


Froggy Went A-Courtin’

by My_Alter_Ego



Series: White Collar Discussions [19]
Category: White Collar
Genre: Just putting it out there!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:07:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22302331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Alter_Ego/pseuds/My_Alter_Ego
Summary: Peter tries to make a case regarding his amorous attraction to Neal. It was more difficult than he thought it would be.
Relationships: Elizabeth Burke/Peter Burke, Peter Burke/Neal Caffrey
Series: White Collar Discussions [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1472945
Comments: 13
Kudos: 34





	Froggy Went A-Courtin’

**Author's Note:**

> Weird title, right? Actually, the title of this story, Froggy Went A-Courtin', refers to a very old Scottish ditty about a frog who romantically pursues and woos a mouse. Over the years, it’s been recorded and sung by various vocal artists that include Burl Ives, Woody Guthrie, Pete Seeger, and even Bob Dylan.

Peter had finally comes to terms with a difficult concept that his protective psyche had sought to hide from him for so long. He could now put a name to that nebulous feeling that had been lingering on the fringes of his consciousness for years. He was in love with his CI—passionately and unconditionally. He was ready to embrace all the good, the bad, and the ugly, although, in Neal’s case, there was no ugly. The only fly in the ointment was a rather large stumbling block—namely, did Neal feel the same way about Peter? It was going to be a delicate dance to get the steps right to find out, and Peter was the first to admit that his wooing techniques were beyond passé, even on a good day. Maybe El could offer some pointers, since she was now in on the scheme to take Neal down in the most carnal way. So, Peter planned to start out nonchalantly and take his cues from the object of his affection. If it got sticky and uncomfortable, he could always laugh it off as a very bad joke.

Phase one of the plan began in a vacant apartment across the street from what the FBI suspected was a clearing warehouse for stolen artwork. Peter and Neal were taking their turns in the night surveillance rotation, and so far, that was about as exciting as watching paint dry. They saw absolutely nothing suspicious through the lenses of their invasive snooping devices.

“This is sooo boring,” Neal complained. “The only bright spot in tonight’s fruitless endeavor is the Thai carryout you brought me. You got it from that really expensive place that I like. How come you decided to splurge, Mr. Scrooge? Usually, you’re beyond frugal.”

Peter shrugged and provided what appeared to be an innocent answer. “Maybe I thought you deserved something special for a change.”

“Why?” Neal asked as he frowned in obvious dread.

“Are you always so suspicious, Neal?” Peter huffed in frustration. “Can’t you just accept a small token gift graciously in the spirit that it was intended?”

“Because I know you, Peter,” Neal said ominously. “There’s always a method to your madness, so just spill it. You know I’ll eventually figure it out, so just come clean now.”

After that harsh statement, Peter had his own frown etched on his face. “I’m going to borrow one of your pet lines, Buddy, and say that maybe you don’t know me as well as you think.”

“I know you a lot better than you know me,” Neal taunted. “You may have convinced yourself that you’re clued in and savvy about me, but I’ve only let you see the tip of the iceberg. So, just don’t get too complacent and high on yourself.”

“Are we really going to have a disagreement over something this stupid?” Peter asked as he tried to rein in his temper.

“Well, you started it, Peter, by being too nice. That’s out of character for you, so you must have something lurking up your sleeve,” Neal challenged as he threw down the gauntlet.

“Fine, be paranoid and ungrateful,” Peter sulked as he grabbed the Styrofoam box out of Neal’s hands. “Maybe I’ll just eat this ‘expensive’ carryout myself so I don’t offend your delicate sensibilities and make you get frown lines from worry. I can be ‘ _nice’_ because I’m going to let you enjoy my deviled ham sandwich!”

Well, that hadn’t gone well at all, and the rest of the long hours of the night were spent in silence. Peter tried to tamp down his evil pleasure in seeing Neal look a little green around the gills when he tried to take a bite of Peter’s sandwich. He couldn’t seem to get it past his nose.

~~~~~~~~~~

Of course, Peter had related all of the previous night’s debacle to El, who commiserated with her husband’s utter lack of finesse. “Maybe you need the home field advantage, Hon,” she put it into terms relatable to her husband. “Invite Neal over to watch a game with you this Sunday. Buy him some wine and both of you can kick back on the sofa and unwind in a safe place. I’ll be sure to make myself scarce, and you can take it from there. But proceed slowly, Peter, so you don’t spook him again, and then both of you wind up with your hackles standing on end.”

Since Peter had made the first peace overture, Neal was willing to put their recent spat to rest. He politely accepted Peter’s invitation and arrived promptly with a bouquet of florist tulips for El and a box of spicy hot wings for Peter. “I got something for you, too,” Peter said proudly as he displayed a screw top bottle of a mediocre wine. Neal refrained from telling Peter that he could get a better value for his money if he purchased generic vino in a box.

“Well, boys, I’m sorry I can’t stay,” El quickly informed the two men. “You know how it is—things to do and people to see,” she sang out as she glided through the front door.

“That was brief,” Neal commented with a look of concern. “It couldn’t have been something I said because I really didn’t get a chance to say anything.”

“El’s a businesswoman with a ton of responsibilities that claim her time,” Peter said in his wife’s defense. “Besides, she’s not into football, so we have the television and the sofa all to ourselves for the entire afternoon.” Neal refrained from reminding Peter that he wasn’t into football either.

Nevertheless, Neal dutifully sat through two very long quarters of big, strapping gladiators in helmets, shoulder pads, and tight pants try to give each other concussions for close to an hour. By that point in time, Peter had guzzled down four beers and Neal had two sips of what claimed to be Merlot on the bottle’s label. He had valiantly fought off the urge to yawn, and he envied old Satchmo who had no problem zoning out and was snoring at their feet.

When insipid commercials began to flash across the screen as the retreating teams talked strategy in the locker room, Peter casually slung his arm around Neal’s shoulders. “I’m glad you’re letting go of our little tiff, Neal. I don’t like it when we’re at odds.”

Neal shrugged and gave a little smile. “We’re most productive when we’re on the same page, Peter. And productivity is where it’s at for you. We have to keep your win stats impressive.”

“I’m more than just the sum of my FBI accomplishments,” Peter said slowly. “You claimed to know me so well, so tell me what you really see when you look at me.”

Neal cocked his head and pondered Peter’s challenge. “You are the quintessential G-Man, and you would have made old J Edgar Hoover proud. You’re dedicated and by-the-book all the way. Justice is your god and the 27 amendments to the Constitution are etched in stone just like the commandments Moses brought down from Mt. Sinai. You love your job and your wife, and you would never compromise your integrity for anything. How am I doing so far?”

“So, are you saying that I’m stuffy and rigid with no wiggle room to break out of a very narrow-minded box?” Peter asked plaintively.

“I didn’t say you were narrow-minded,” Neal objected.

“But you said that I was uncompromising, which means practically the same thing,” Peter argued. “What if I were willing to push the envelope a bit and let myself be open to a new experience?”

Now Neal was puzzled. “Do you mean like doing something illegal?”

“No, definitely not illegal, but maybe something a tad outside the norm?”

Neal looked intrigued until Peter’s hand moved from his shoulders to his neck, and his warm fingers began a very affectionate massage. Suddenly, a shocked conman tensed. He abruptly rose from the couch and cleared his throat to hastily utter, “You know, Peter, I just remembered that I have to meet Mozzie. Sorry, but it entirely slipped my mind when I accepted your invitation to watch football. Tell El I’ll see her another time when we can all get together.” Before Peter could reply, Neal had bolted from the house leaving both Peter and Satchmo looking bewildered.

Keeping to football metaphors, Peter sighed dramatically and used an appropriate bit of jargon. “Well, Satch, that was what the game officials would call an incomplete pass,” he said dejectedly.

~~~~~~~~~~

Of course, Peter being Peter, he had called El to give her the discouraging news and the green light to return home. “Peter, you can’t let this thing dangle,” El said logically. “It’s unfinished business that you started, so man up and meet it head on. Talk to Neal and explain your feelings. If he isn’t interested, then at least you’ll know where you stand and you both can get back to baseline.”

“You mean like no harm, no foul,” Peter muttered morosely. “Maybe I’ve blatantly overstepped our boundaries, El, and I’ve gone too far for our relationship to ever be the same again.”

“I think you should give Neal some credit for being a man of the world. He would understand, and I can’t imagine him being judgmental or offended by your heart-on-your sleeve gesture.”

“I don’t know, El. He seemed really freaked when he flew out of here like a bat out of hell.”

“Go and talk to him, Peter,” El said more forcefully this time.

So, that was why Peter was now knocking softly on the door to his CI’s loft. When it swung open and the object of his unrequited affection was standing before him, Peter took a deep breath and blurted out, “Neal, we have to talk about what happened this afternoon.”

“Yeah, I think maybe we do,” the con man replied quietly.

Peter looked around the space. “Mozzie isn’t here, and I’ll wager he was probably never here. You just used him as an excuse to get away from me.”

Neal had the courage to look Peter in the eye. “Not you specifically, Peter. I used Moz as an excuse to extract myself from an uncomfortable situation that I wasn’t sure how to handle.”

Peter grimaced. “I was way off the reservation, Neal. I know that now. I was clumsy and oafish, and I’m sorry that I offended you.”

“Peter, I wasn’t offended,” Neal said slowly as he tried to organize his thoughts and be diplomatic. “I would call it more blindsided. Obviously there are depths to you that I’ve failed to notice. In fact, I never saw it coming, so that shakes my confidence in my con man’s ability to read people.”

Peter looked sheepish. “Well, if it helps, I just recently had the epiphany myself. It hasn’t been simmering on the back burner for years—or maybe it has and I was too obtuse to see it.”

“That whole scenario today makes absolutely no sense,” Neal said worriedly. “You hit on me barely an hour after the woman you love with all your heart walked out the door. What’s up with that? I’ve taken a lot of things in my life, Peter, but I could never take anything from Elizabeth, and that includes the amorous attention of her husband.”

Peter wanted to set the record straight. “Would it help if I told you I have El’s blessing as well as her well-intentioned prodding? By now you should know that my wife and I have no secrets from one another. I could get her to sign a waiver or something, if that will make it more believable for you.”

That earnestly spoken statement sent a tightly-wound Neal over the edge and he started laughing uncontrollably. Peter rode out the long uncomfortable minutes of the unbridled hilarity until Neal eventually caught his breath. Around the occasional snorted hiccup, Neal finally manage to say, “Okay, Boomer, apparently I wasn’t too far off the mark. You really are just so damn predictable, like a government savant who feels compelled to cross every ‘T’ and dot every ‘I’ in everything you do, including affairs of the heart. Even when you’re not in character, you are in character!”

“I’m not old enough to be a Baby Boomer, Neal!” Peter grumbled. “I’m glad you find me so amusing, but I guess at least it’s better than you being insulted or grossed out. Actually, if you want to know the truth, this afternoon I was going for spontaneous.”

“And failing miserably,” Neal said fondly. “Peter, you were like a bull in a china shop and that’s sort of endearing. You probably envisioned the seduction like that syrupy _‘moment’_ in some rom/com movie where two people gaze into each other’s eyes and time stands still while violins start to play.”

“Now you’re mocking me,” Peter complained as he plopped down on Neal’s couch and stared hard at the flippant young man. “So, I’m not suave and debonair like you, Romeo, but I am honest to a fault. Believe me when I say that I’ve come to love you in so many ways, even when you break my heart with your crazy antics and your slick agendas.”

Neal took a seat next to Peter and smiled sadly. “And therein lies the problem,” he murmured. “I’m crazy and slick and a lot of other things, so it would be impossible for you to ever completely trust me.”

“We can build trust, Neal,” Peter said fervently.

Neal suddenly felt sorry for the imploring man before him. “Peter, my track record concerning love affairs is dismal,” he said honestly. “Not every romantic relationship is like what you and Elizabeth have. They’re not always ideal and they can get messy, contentious, and hurtful. Sometimes the issues are more intense than who forgot to pick up the dry-cleaning. I think you may be setting yourself up for more heartache.”

Peter looked dejected. “You could just say that you’re not into same sex relationships and put an end to this discussion. If you’re not attracted to me in that way, I’ll certainly respect your feelings and we’ll pretend all this never happened.”

“I’m not saying that I’m not attracted to you,” Neal replied without hesitation. “I’m just thinking of the dangerous position you may find yourself in down the road if you become disenchanted when something goes wrong.”

“I’m willing to take that chance,” Peter answered firmly. “The question is, are you?”

A few breath-holding seconds spooled out until Neal’s face softened and Peter watched a mischievous smirk transform his lips. “I stand corrected. It seems that I didn’t know everything there was to know about a certain FBI agent, so perhaps it’s time I did a thorough and in-depth investigation of my own. We can always get the signed search warrant from Elizabeth later. So, Agent Burke, let’s begin by you surrendering your clothes!”


End file.
